Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
