mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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