Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
