i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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