I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
