I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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