even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
