Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
