matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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