remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
