Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
