omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
