i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
