Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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