Im at strip club and am horny
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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