If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
