He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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