I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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