I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
