dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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