i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
