the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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