is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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