I accidentally had phone sex last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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