i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
