There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
