mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
