Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
