just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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