good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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