dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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