The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
