As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
