Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
