You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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