Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
