youre lurking in front of me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
