I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
