Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
