There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
