i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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