he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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