He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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