i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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