Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
