if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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