I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
