i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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