she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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