She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
