He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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