The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
