I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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