I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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