A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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