I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
