Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
