someone get that fucking seahorse.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
