Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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