If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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