Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
