do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
