capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
