she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
