spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
