the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
