Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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