I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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