tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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