someone threw a dead crab at me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
