did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
