I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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