So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
