I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
