so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
