she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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